You are refreshing and vital as the air, graceful and tender as sparkling water, lustrous and consuming as flames of fire, generous and enveloping as space and stable and deep as the earth.. you elemental woman are perfect beauty itself. *Ancient essay on the five elemental women of Indian mythology*


Saturday, November 26, 2011

Hard times*

Drama, Drama, never ends..sheesh! Ok everyone I don't normally reveal to much about myself because this is the internet and things spread quickly, but I need to vent. If you guys remember a couple of months ago I wrote posts about being stressed and my hair falling out..well this is why. 
My mother was arrested in August she had been hiding from the police for 10yrs and since then alot of things have come to light.  Her girlfriend has accused her of identity theft and other more personal crimes. I showed support and tried not to get to involved..after a time it came to a point where I might be charged with accessory because I was taking care of my her at the time. Thank the God and Goddess nothing came of that. Other things came out and because it would affect other members of my family I will not post them as to insure their privacy.
So, I wrote to my mother is prison and informed her based on the information I was getting from sources outside of immediate family and from personal interaction with her I decided it was best to cut all ties with her.
Now, I know that this may seem a bit harsh,she is my mother after all, but I can not trust her and I can not trust her to be honest and not be manipulative around my kids. She is the kind of person that says one thing to your face, but does something else and using threats and intimidation to get what she wants is not out of the question and what is worse she thinks she has done absolutely nothing wrong..ever.
That is what pisses me off the most, I know I am spoiled and bitchy, I have made alot of mistakes I wish I could take back, but I can't, so I try to be a better person and learn from those mistakes, but not her. I''ll get an email or a txt from her saying something like "I know I've made alot of mistakes" followed by " What have I ever done to anyone?" It is very frustrating and overwhelming...sigh* I don't know what to do, but I know this and it sounds horrible...a huge weight was lifted of my heart and my shoulders when I decided once and for all enough was enough and cut my losses. I know most people and most of all she will never understand, but I just want peace and to raise my kids in a home with honesty and compassion and she is incapable of either.
I hope you guys won't think less of me, but I did what I felt was best. To me a Mother is extremely important a Father is too don't get me wrong, but a Mother is the one that makes the world feel like a safe place and helps you to feel as if the there is ground under your feet, you are not going to just fall away...she has never been able to provide that and I am sorry to even admit that to you guys even more to myself. Thank you all for letting me vent a bit, I don't necessarily feel better, but I feel like it is a first step in really starting to face it.


  1. Oh, honey, I'm sorry this has been so hard. I have been in similar situations (with other several people). It's hard to cut ties with a family member, but if that is what you and your children need to be safe, whole and to heal, it is absolutely the right choice.

    Let me know if you want a ritual to help get through this. You are strong and smart and wonderful. This will be over before you know it. Blessings!

  2. Thank you so much! I'm a truly blessed to know you. I have prayed to the Goddess Kali for strength and change, but I will absolutley keep you in mind if I need an extra blessing. Just having your support is the most soothing to my heart and mind..thank you*

  3. I'm sorry your going through this. It took me many years to realize that cutting ties with my biodad was best. Its never easy to cut someone you love from your life but that doesn't make it the wrong choice.

  4. Sometimes it is best to cut your ties, and you are more responsible for your own children than for your mother. If you think that your family will do better with your mother not involved, then this is a good decision. (My youngest sister made the same decision and says she has not regretted it once. We other daughters respect her wishes, although we do not take the same route, and I can see it is really good for her. I hope it will be just as good for you.)

  5. Thank you Becky and Diandra for your kind words and support. It is truly appreciated.

  6. Oh honey, you SO did the right thing!! A mother is also an example to her children and grandchildren and you do not have that in her. If you ever need to vent, talk, etc... do not hesitate to reach out. Big hugs and lots of love to you and yours.

  7. Thank you so much Kallan! I will most certainly bend your ear if I start to lose Big hugs and love right back*

  8. I'm sorry you are going through this hun. I have the same mother and a sister to boot. At this point they are both cut out of my life for the same reasons though they are not in prison (they should be though).

    I always hoped that I could help them change and be better people through leading by example and being there to advise, but in the end they weren't interested in real change. I found myself being surprised every time they'd call with the "I've changed" but and then doing something dirty to me. I finally had to say enough is enough. I won't have my children growing up to think this is acceptable behavior.

    So I understand, I am right there with ya. If you ever need to talk to someone who's there too you are welcome to email me @ :) I hope things get better for you soon. HUGS!

  9. Thank you Sandi! I will definately keep your email handy. I tried to do the same thing..advise her to let things go and make better choices, but in the end I walked away with mulitple stab wounds in my back. Thank you so much for your support.